You've no doubt heard the phrase before.
Perhaps you've used it.
'I'm sorry you feel that way' is used so prolifically it has its own Wikipedia entry.
What's wrong with telling someone 'I'm sorry you feel that way' anyway? Isn't that empathetic? Can't it be genuine? Sure. Sure it can be. BUT, it can be a lot of other things too.
When you tell someone you're sorry they feel whatever way they feel you're implying something is wrong with their emotion. 'Feelings' are not broken, they are not wrong. There is no need for you to apologize that another human being has feelings. Actually, it can be incredibly condescending to apologize to someone for having feelings, as though they shouldn't.
When you tell someone you're sorry for how they feel you're also telling them you're not really listening, but instead attempting to take the quickest route out of the situation because it's uncomfortable for you, implying how you feel is more important than how the other person feels. Ever had that experience of trying to talk to someone about how you feel and they make it about them? Yeah... no. Just no.
When you say 'I'm sorry you feel that way' you're essentially saying 'there is no fault with me' 'this problem lives in your emotion so you need to deal with that... sorry'.
There are plenty of phrases I wish didn't exist in our vocabulary and this is definitely on that list. But if it's something you're used to saying, if it's kind of a default, what to say/do instead?
If you're going to apologize, if you're going to utter the word sorry at all, try apologizing for what you may have said or done. Know that even if you didn't intend it, you may have impacted another human being and the resulting emotion they have is something you can acknowledge, listen to and try to understand. Understand too that you can show someone kindness and that you care without trying to 'fix' their emotions (because remember, emotions aren't broken).
Instead of saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' here are a few great resources to give you a plethora of responses and behaviour that demonstrate empathy much better:
31 Empathetic Statements for When You Don’t Know What to Say
44 EMPATHY STATEMENTS THAT WILL MAKE YOU THE GREATEST LISTENER
What do YOU say instead of 'I'm sorry you feel that way'? TWEET ME!
And if you're thinking about saying 'I know how you feel', well READ THIS.
Perhaps you've used it.
'I'm sorry you feel that way' is used so prolifically it has its own Wikipedia entry.
What's wrong with telling someone 'I'm sorry you feel that way' anyway? Isn't that empathetic? Can't it be genuine? Sure. Sure it can be. BUT, it can be a lot of other things too.
When you tell someone you're sorry they feel whatever way they feel you're implying something is wrong with their emotion. 'Feelings' are not broken, they are not wrong. There is no need for you to apologize that another human being has feelings. Actually, it can be incredibly condescending to apologize to someone for having feelings, as though they shouldn't.
When you tell someone you're sorry for how they feel you're also telling them you're not really listening, but instead attempting to take the quickest route out of the situation because it's uncomfortable for you, implying how you feel is more important than how the other person feels. Ever had that experience of trying to talk to someone about how you feel and they make it about them? Yeah... no. Just no.
When you say 'I'm sorry you feel that way' you're essentially saying 'there is no fault with me' 'this problem lives in your emotion so you need to deal with that... sorry'.
There are plenty of phrases I wish didn't exist in our vocabulary and this is definitely on that list. But if it's something you're used to saying, if it's kind of a default, what to say/do instead?
If you're going to apologize, if you're going to utter the word sorry at all, try apologizing for what you may have said or done. Know that even if you didn't intend it, you may have impacted another human being and the resulting emotion they have is something you can acknowledge, listen to and try to understand. Understand too that you can show someone kindness and that you care without trying to 'fix' their emotions (because remember, emotions aren't broken).
Instead of saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' here are a few great resources to give you a plethora of responses and behaviour that demonstrate empathy much better:
31 Empathetic Statements for When You Don’t Know What to Say
44 EMPATHY STATEMENTS THAT WILL MAKE YOU THE GREATEST LISTENER
What do YOU say instead of 'I'm sorry you feel that way'? TWEET ME!
And if you're thinking about saying 'I know how you feel', well READ THIS.
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